This is me...

THIS IS ME

Psalms 9:13 - 14

   Be gracious to me, Lord, consider my affliction at the hands of those who hate me.Lift me up .. so that I may declare Your praises. I will rejoice in Your salvation. 

All I can say is WATCH OUT BECAUSE HERE I COME! THIS IS ME AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO BE ME.. THIS IS ME. When you've moved past those who hurt and constantly cut you down, and you've done what you can bibically to bring to light in private to those who have been placed to protect. You've dusted your feet off and moved on as the bible says, but yet some feel the need to attack even more with cutting words about who you are, and spew false accusations about the situation, you want to attack back; but all I can say is THIS IS ME! Telling me I should have used products before, yep your right..  calling me hateful, causing discord, and being mental and telling me to seek mental help, isn't going to knock me down because I know I am following the footsteps God has placed me to walk in, and doing it bibically.

I was letting the situation go, and not stating a word. But as I prayed about it over the last few weeks, I thought what would Christ do? Call out what is wrong and love them while doing it. Through scripture it talks about those of spiritually authority using their position to bring hate and discord, not living the life they preach daily. Loving the unlovable, and caring for those who are in need. My friend and mentor Pastor Athan Burch taught me, A life of HOLINESS is one that reflects Christ, and no not perfect but striving to be in all you do. I choose to go a high road instead of the physical road, Holiness is a perfect peace of knowing you're walking in the steps God directs and allowing him to be on the throne of your heart when situations come that a human heart would want to hurt, or do things that are wrong. I choose the high road, so scream your words to cut me down, accuse me of talking to others about a situation that I've kept to myself to the point of hurting others because I won't bring them into the situation to protect the someone that is placed in authority. Allowing those who are in leadership to cut me down behind my back during a church meeting, using hate and discord to accuse me of things I would never do, letting go of a friendship because of their fear of standing up for what is wrong when words about me are said. I am a women of God, who knows in my heart I'm doing the right thing, and doing it as Christ would have. So WATCH OUT HERE I COME!

I am different then others as I walk the streets of El Paso, I get stares and questions but this is me. I'm not hiding any more afraid of others seeing the real authentic me. I was true personality wise the whole time, but hid behind a mask when it came to physical. I now walk around proudly knowing THIS IS ME. Sure I need help getting through the hair pulling and anxiety but does that mean I'm MENTAL? It means I have flaws that me and God are working on, and no person can bring me down. 

I've stepped down from ministry, I've stepped away from being active in Church so I can refocus on my family. I haven't talked with people about the situation, I haven't disrespected someone that should be called out before more lives are destroyed, and hurt. I've silently went in my direction that God is leading allowing myself to heal from the abuse and harassment. I miss working in ministry, but I won't be used as a threat any longer in any church. I will do as Paul did, and move on to others who want to hear the truth, and not just through watered down, non- spiritual reaching activity's labeled under ministry within a church. My words will always be that of Christ and his love out front and loud not under the umbrella of a dinner where nothing of Christ is mentioned out front and loud from those leading the night, especially when I have the chance to do so with 200 plus people within a building. I'm afraid to do ministry any longer, because I won't sit back when things are wrong and be silent any longer, and I don't want to hurt others because I won't sit back.

If you don't know the situation; and you've only heard one side of the situation because the other side refuses to bring others into it; please don't go spewing hateful words and untruth. You have to speak about the situation to spew hate and discord, and I have not. 

Paul many times speaks of moving forward in his life, because those who didn't want to hear the truth caused discord within the Jews and within the churches. He wasn't shy about calling people by name, and pointing out the wrong doing. He wasn't motivated on fear, or selfish ambitions, he was motivated by the Holy Spirit who moved through him. We all have that same Holy Spirit as Paul if we just allow ourselves the courage to stand up against wrong doing, and being unafraid to share the name of Christ within areas that others will reject and mock. THIS IS ME, A women who loves Christ with all her heart, Who will stand up against wrong doing, Who will follow the leading of the Holy Spirit, Who strives towards Holiness within my life, without making fun of Holiness and those who believe in it. Who will speak up against things that are unholy, and will move forward to those who want to hear the truth, and not stay where the truth is headen behind words from books, not the Bible. THIS IS ME! Don't like, who I am? That's ok I won't please everyone, you use the name friendship lightly if it fulfills you and your needs,  but your actions show other wise when it comes to standing up for what is wrong and words that are said against me that are wrong, or you're so afraid to stand up for what is scriptural wrong because you have been told the lie that you will be stripped from ministry. No ministry within a church is a mans ministry to strip others from because of standing up for the truth.  So I will dust my feet and move forward. I will follow the leading of the Holy Spirit, I will always have full commitment in relationships God has placed in my life, but I won't allow those relationships to destroy when it comes to right and wrong, and my spiritual walk with Christ.

When we are placed in situations that hurt, and are spiritually wrong we have to be willing to step up and call it for what it is.. SIN. Not hide and be afraid to call out sin especially within a church situation where Christ should be guiding and leading not man. We have to live a life that is Christ centered and Holy Spirit driven, when we do that we can look at people with confidence and say THIS IS ME! I believe in Holiness, and I believe it's capable of being done when we allow the Holy Spirit to lead, and place God in our lives where he should be. God is my leader before my husband and before any church, God's direction is where I follow and that's why I've stepped down for the time being. Watch out here I come, because I beat from a different drum, I'm proud to say THIS IS ME.