Why is it so hard to ask Why?
What brings us to the point of wondering why things turn out the way they do? I've been struggling lately with the Why's. Is it wrong for me to be questioning? does that make me any less of a christian? does it mean my faith is not strong? or does it just mean I'm human with emotions of someone who's been through many storms.
I was standing in my room last month crying while Micah sat in the hospital alone, Keith was off at school and Grace couldn't decided what she wanted to do in life. I felt like the worlds biggest yoyo. Wondering when this rollercoaster called life would ever stop, not having really anyone to talk to, knowing those around me, want to support me but have no idea what I'm going through. Not knowing what it's like to be month's on end without your husband, having a child in the hospital alone and one at home that needs just as much medical treatment. Then you have a teenager who is trying to find her path in life and nowhere near ready to make that step into the world. So I stood there crying and asking God the only one I knew who knows my pain.
As I stood there I began to ask that question of Why, Why again must keith be gone? Why again must Micah be so sick? Why can't elijah seem to grow in development in life so he can function on his own? Why can't my daughter understand how beautiful and precious she is to us and others around her. Why does it seem I'm always alone?
When I began asking why, the thoughts of am I wrong for asking that oh so little word but seems to be thought of taboo when it comes to asking God it. I'm not questioning God about his chooses I have taken them whole heartly knowing God has a plan set for my family with the storms we must endure right now. I'm just asking Why? Why does Elijah have to endure so many complications, isn't one enough? Why does Micah have to deal with embaressing medical issues when it's hard enough just being a teenage boy? Why can't my daughter see the wonderful gifts God has blessed her with, and be secure in herself as all my other neices and nephiews are.
These simple questions many can try to answer, can give me logical answers and try to emotionally support me. Is that what I need though? I know in my heart the answers, I know in my head the logic and the emotional support is nice but only for a moment. So I sit and wait for answers from God the only one who can give me what I'm needing.
If your sitting here reading this thinking Oh poor Katy, Please don't! I've accepted the road I'm on, I know God has many great plans for my family and I know that my love for my husband is so strong that no seperation the Army places before us will build a wall. My life is one of celeberation really, one of constant faith and one of fully trusting that God has everything under control. But that doesn't stop the questions of Why?
So if you have why's in your life, know that it's OK. As long as you have accepted the road you are on and have faith that God is in full control. It's only human to want to know why.... Even if the answer is ..... Because I said so! =)
I was standing in my room last month crying while Micah sat in the hospital alone, Keith was off at school and Grace couldn't decided what she wanted to do in life. I felt like the worlds biggest yoyo. Wondering when this rollercoaster called life would ever stop, not having really anyone to talk to, knowing those around me, want to support me but have no idea what I'm going through. Not knowing what it's like to be month's on end without your husband, having a child in the hospital alone and one at home that needs just as much medical treatment. Then you have a teenager who is trying to find her path in life and nowhere near ready to make that step into the world. So I stood there crying and asking God the only one I knew who knows my pain.
As I stood there I began to ask that question of Why, Why again must keith be gone? Why again must Micah be so sick? Why can't elijah seem to grow in development in life so he can function on his own? Why can't my daughter understand how beautiful and precious she is to us and others around her. Why does it seem I'm always alone?
When I began asking why, the thoughts of am I wrong for asking that oh so little word but seems to be thought of taboo when it comes to asking God it. I'm not questioning God about his chooses I have taken them whole heartly knowing God has a plan set for my family with the storms we must endure right now. I'm just asking Why? Why does Elijah have to endure so many complications, isn't one enough? Why does Micah have to deal with embaressing medical issues when it's hard enough just being a teenage boy? Why can't my daughter see the wonderful gifts God has blessed her with, and be secure in herself as all my other neices and nephiews are.
These simple questions many can try to answer, can give me logical answers and try to emotionally support me. Is that what I need though? I know in my heart the answers, I know in my head the logic and the emotional support is nice but only for a moment. So I sit and wait for answers from God the only one who can give me what I'm needing.
If your sitting here reading this thinking Oh poor Katy, Please don't! I've accepted the road I'm on, I know God has many great plans for my family and I know that my love for my husband is so strong that no seperation the Army places before us will build a wall. My life is one of celeberation really, one of constant faith and one of fully trusting that God has everything under control. But that doesn't stop the questions of Why?
So if you have why's in your life, know that it's OK. As long as you have accepted the road you are on and have faith that God is in full control. It's only human to want to know why.... Even if the answer is ..... Because I said so! =)
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