Step 3 To Serenity
"Make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understand him". ( Thomas Nelson, 12 steps to Serenity; Youversion)
Ephesians 2:8-9 : For you are saved by grace through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is God's gift - not from works, so that no one can boast.
This weekend has been a whirlwind of emotions, as I moved into a new stage of my life. A stage that Keith and I thought was a dream and not reality. Elijah left for college, 3 hours away from home. I had many tears throughout the weekend, when Elijah was ready for full freedom and was ready for mom to leave to what he has made home for a few years. It was clear he was ready for the ability to move forward in his life without the constant eye of mom or dad. As I left campus full of love from the time I had with Micah, and the laughter and talk we shared together to the tears of being rejected by Elijah, I came to realize he wasn't rejecting me, he had full faith in a God that would take care of him, and was ready to rely fully on him not his parents. He was wanting to fall on his own, and grow with him and God. My will would be to keep Elijah protected by my side, but God's will is for me to release so that He can move within Elijah's life without my interference. But, how do I do that as a parent? Not see Elijah by his disability's but by the man he is becoming?
So as I read my devotions on Serenity this morning, and began step 3 I realized I needed to turn my will over to God. So instead of taking my anxiety out on my poor hair, refocusing and seeing God wants my will and my life completely; not just the parts I'm willing to give over, but all of it. My whole identity was wrapped up in being a mom, wife and Pastor without stepping back and seeing God has so much for me. Peace!! Peace during the times I am alone, Peace during the time when life is crazy, Peace when I move into new chapters in my life. I am to embrace them with hope and peace that God has moved me where I am, and intends to use this place for his glory.
I focused to much on works, and this is a time in my life that it is on my marriage. Allowing this new chapter in my life bring me to a realization that I am not who I am because I'm a mom, wife, or Pastor but I'm a child of God. The more I give over my will and life to God, the less the anxiety will take a hold. As Micah told me this weekend, " Mom you need to find a quite place and go pray". With a family who is supportive and a God who is holding my hand; I know making it through this struggle with anxiety is reachable, and it's not by the works I do to keep my focus off of my struggle, but it is the peace of allowing God full control.
\OH, and it took less then 6 hours and Elijah called me crying and missing us. =) ahhh to touch a mothers heart, the tears knowing your missed. =) Well he cried more over his dog and his dad, but I'll take what I can get.
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