Future.
I am trusting you oh Lord, saying, " You are my God!" my future is in your hands. Psalm 31:14
This has been the hardest week for me, being home while my son lays in the hospital. Not being able to be there with him through the stay. My heart hurts knowing its lonely sitting in that room alone. One more week of this and hopefully micah will be back home in his own bed. Now hopefully mom comes through this with the rest of her hair on her head.
How many times do we sit and worry about the day, the week, the month or even the year. How many times do we let it consume our every thought. We try to fix things on our own by worring about how they will get accomplished. When we have a father that wants to have free reign to do his will and the outcome will be better then we ever imagined.
I find myself having to constantly let go of worries that I can't fix on my own. You would think I would learn over the years, God is in control and ultimatly his will is better then mine. Alas I still sit and worry, stress and get angry over situations around me. I still pull my hair because I have no control over anything in my life. It seems its a battle between me and God over who is in control, and I should just lay down the gloves because God is going to win. =)
Having a child with CF can be a stressful adventure with no control over the next day let alone the future. But you know God has control over all of it, CF and the future of my boys. I just have to release it every minute of my day to him, and allow God to use this situation for his glory instead of fighting him so much.
I say this because I'm needing to hear this, I'm needing to read this to really make it soak in. Because I'm at that last stretch of rope again where I just want to let go and run as far from here as possible. I'm tired of being alone all the time, I'm tired of raising the kids on my own, I'm tired of knowing the freedom my husband has while I sit at home and stress over how much time I will get with Micah today, because Elijahs treatments are deminshing from the trips to the hospital to see Micah. Yes I'm Jealeous and I know Keith wants to be here, its just hard knowing he wants to be here while sitting by a pool or lake being a lifeguard relaxing. My life is the boys, I can't keep up with things outside this house because of this disease. I can't have a dream or life outside this house because of this disease. And yes I get angry. Does it mean I love God less? or have lack of faith because of this NO. It means I'm human and would love to follow my dreams without worrying.
I am fully trusting God with my future because Lord knows how much I would screw it up. I just wish I knew what my future held. And if my dreams, are God's dreams for me.
This has been the hardest week for me, being home while my son lays in the hospital. Not being able to be there with him through the stay. My heart hurts knowing its lonely sitting in that room alone. One more week of this and hopefully micah will be back home in his own bed. Now hopefully mom comes through this with the rest of her hair on her head.
How many times do we sit and worry about the day, the week, the month or even the year. How many times do we let it consume our every thought. We try to fix things on our own by worring about how they will get accomplished. When we have a father that wants to have free reign to do his will and the outcome will be better then we ever imagined.
I find myself having to constantly let go of worries that I can't fix on my own. You would think I would learn over the years, God is in control and ultimatly his will is better then mine. Alas I still sit and worry, stress and get angry over situations around me. I still pull my hair because I have no control over anything in my life. It seems its a battle between me and God over who is in control, and I should just lay down the gloves because God is going to win. =)
Having a child with CF can be a stressful adventure with no control over the next day let alone the future. But you know God has control over all of it, CF and the future of my boys. I just have to release it every minute of my day to him, and allow God to use this situation for his glory instead of fighting him so much.
I say this because I'm needing to hear this, I'm needing to read this to really make it soak in. Because I'm at that last stretch of rope again where I just want to let go and run as far from here as possible. I'm tired of being alone all the time, I'm tired of raising the kids on my own, I'm tired of knowing the freedom my husband has while I sit at home and stress over how much time I will get with Micah today, because Elijahs treatments are deminshing from the trips to the hospital to see Micah. Yes I'm Jealeous and I know Keith wants to be here, its just hard knowing he wants to be here while sitting by a pool or lake being a lifeguard relaxing. My life is the boys, I can't keep up with things outside this house because of this disease. I can't have a dream or life outside this house because of this disease. And yes I get angry. Does it mean I love God less? or have lack of faith because of this NO. It means I'm human and would love to follow my dreams without worrying.
I am fully trusting God with my future because Lord knows how much I would screw it up. I just wish I knew what my future held. And if my dreams, are God's dreams for me.
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