Grow as we go

                                                      Grow As We Go

Ben Platt

  " If to change is what you need, you can change right next to me. When you're high, I'll take the lows. You can ebb and I can flow and we'll take it slow, and grow as we go. "

   As I sit here thinking about the years Keith and I have grown together, the weeds we've had to pull out and watering we neglected at times. The pain of growing and learning each other, even thirty two laters. Keith is an amazing husband, becoming attentive to my needs and showing adoration for me even with my flaws. It wasn't easy getting through these 32 years, there were times we didn't think our marriage would make it. There were times we both felt no love, and it had become more of  an obligation. Seeking counciling, moving forward through the dry times and realizing it takes more then a feeling to make a marriage work. So I thought why not blog on what We've through the years have done in our marriage to get us to this point of 32 years. 

   Prioritize your spouse- As the kids were small, taking care of them seem to take over my whole life. I would always say Keith came first after God, but did  I really show that? did I really believe it?  Did I really do a good job being that example for my kids? We get into this mode as mom's believing our kids won't grow and flurish if we don't give them 100% of us; our spouse understands and if he doesn't then he's just selfish.  This brings me to the number one thing I've learned through the years. Prioritize your spouse, he will be the one that is standing next to you 20 years from now when your kids are grown and have left mom behind. 

    Keith and I have moved to the empty nesters club, with Grace married to a great Army solider, Micah working in Kentucky with marriage coming quickly to a special young lady with two precious kids. Elijah moved into his own apartment, wanting to make his own choices.  I've learned over the years prioritizing Keith is a must, many times my kids didn't understand or wanted me to pick their side of the argument with dad. Showing Keith where he fit in within my life, gave Keith the understanding that he still was number one in my life, and in our marriage. 

    For years Keith had asked me to leave the boys with grace and go on a trip with him, I always found excuses why I couldn't all the way down to Childrens ministry at church. ( I mean God called me into ministry, so that should be the top priority right? =)  Well for our 25th anniversary Grace was living with us, Micah was graduating from High School, and Elijah was the only one left. So I jumped feet first in and said OK.  We got Micah graduated,  Keith was home from Korea,  the next day we were on a plane to California to start our two week long vacation. We began at my folks and moved our way up the 1 HWY in California to Washington state. I choose to make Keith number one, I began seeing that smile on his face that I once saw when we were in College. No kids, No worries, No time restraints, Nothing to take what should be my number one priority ; which is keith. I learned a lot on that trip, and began this journey into prioitizing my marriage, giving all I can to it. I've fallen back into old habits at the beginning, now I have no problem saying NO I can't do that or I won't be here because I'm going with my husband. No I can't attend, my husband is flying in and I want to give him all of my attention. My husband has to become my number one priority here on earth, and for a marriage to grow as you go Prioritizing your spouse is a must. Kids will be gone, and you don't want to sit back once they're gone looking at your husband wondering who he is because you never took the time to grow as you go. Instead you grew with the kids. 

  So I encourage every mom or wife prioritize your husband, not looking for him to return anything, but doing it out of love and respect for him. I can honestly tell you, once you do this that spice will return. We all want to be prioritized, and validated. Try it  and you'll see the difference. Number 1 Prioritze.  

I think Solomon always said it best.. Song of Solomon 4:7 You are absolutely beautiful, my darling; there is no imperfection in you. When we really focus on our spouse we begin to see the beautiful wonder that God has given us, not the imperfection.

Question: Where has your spouse been placed within your life ( No excuses) Do you need to move your priorities around to place your spouse first?